It's a mixed bag. It always has been and always will be. Parent-teacher conferences never cease to amaze me with the variety of conversational depth and spice.
I plan the sign-up and get the student work ready. I scratch out an agenda and get the classroom cozy. And then real life happens, and things rarely go as I planned. Younger sibblings mess up the room, parents cry, I grab the wrong notebook, somebody shows up late. Sometimes some parents surprise you with lunch, or tell you how much their daughter loves your class, or retell a conversation about how excited their son was about a book we read. A mixed bag.
Some discussions end disappointingly. Parents don't have all the answers, and I certainly don't have all the answers. Although I have some expertise [gag] in elementary education, I am far from an expert on a particular child. I see them for a few hours a day in one particular context. I don't know a child's ins and outs like a parent does. Shame on me for even assuming. I truly wish I could help more.
I usually end the day feeling exhasuted and a little disappointed. Disappointed mostly in myself. I get hung up on all of the things I could and should be doing. Sometimes I end up frustrated about my perceived lack of dedication to my job. I so often dwell on weaknesses and struggles, instead of the strengths and triumphs. Our educational culture can be deadly like that.
Those are the times I have to take a step back and get a hold of myself. I'd pretty much do anything for my students. But, I can't do everything. It's so cliché, but I'm not Superman. No teacher is. I'm not going to catch everyone. I'm not going to inspire everyone. I'm not going to get every student to 100% all the time. I have to stop holding myself to these inscrutably high standards. It's toxic. And arrogant.
Lord, help me to understand that I can't do it all. I can only give what I can to each student every day. That has to be enough. It just has to.
“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And that which I can do, by the grace of God, I will do.” –Dwight L. Moody
As I'm sitting here preparing my conference notes, your blog came up (Okay - so I was procrastinating and decided to check my Reader and there it was...your post about conferences.
ReplyDeleteI often feel like you - the conferences you think aren't going to go well, sometimes do and the ones you think will go well, sometimes do not.
You are too tough on yourself. You are a dedicated and passionate teacher who knows his stuff and his students.
I think most parents just want to hear that their child is going to be "okay"! If a child's gift is not in academics at this time, I remind parents about the wonderful qualities their child possesses that will surely be just as important in the long run.
I fear it is going to be a long week!
Thanks for sharing! Must get back to work now!
Nancy,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement. I know I'm too tough on myself. That's why I write about it- so I can deal with it. I do think the educational culture has a tendency to overemphasize those very few kids who are struggling and not meeting goals. I need to keep my eyes on the joys and victories of the majority.
You have a good point about reminding parents of the wonderful qualities we do see in their children. I try to remember stories from class to relay to them during conferences.
By and large, the conferences went really well today. And that is truth. Best wishes to you on yours this week!
Justin, thanks for writing this. I especially appreciated your comment about how parents know their children best. It's too easy for teachers to fall into the line of thinking that says we know better than the parents.
ReplyDeleteI've often been frustrated by the fact that I can't reach every child. It is in those times that God reminds me that I am just a vessel, and I am not the only vessel He has prepared to reach my students, both educationally and otherwise. He fills the vessel, and I have to stay close to the Source.
Remember that your labor is not in vain.
Thanks again for sharing!
Your words speak to my heart. I'm shaking my head in agreement throughout your post. I think most of us who care so much do wish we could always do more, reach more, change more. We do what we can do and know that it starts with one and know that we always help so many more!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the great work! As always, thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I'm totally empathizing with you, Justin. It's times like this when I have to remember Christ's words from Luke 6:40: "A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher" (NIV). I can't solve things. I am not the answer. But I am a model for them. Hopefully I am showing them what it means to be kind, compassionate, honest, seeking, and learning. I'm humbly doing the best I can. Hopefully, they too will do the same--if not now, someday. I appreciate your openness.
ReplyDeleteMiranda & MIchelle,
ReplyDeleteI truly appreciate your encouraging words. I really, really do. Thanks.
Unlike Nancy, I didn't procrastinate appropriately and only checked my reader AFTER conferences!
ReplyDeleteIf you felt any other way (meaning, if you were blaming the kids instead of looking back at yourself and what you could be doing differently), then it would be time to think about finding a new job. But you care, and that is why you feel the way you do. So many teachers, myself included, want so desperately to do exactly what the kids need - to be perfect. And even though we KNOW that isn't possible we get down on ourselves about all the coulda, shoulda, wouldas that passed us by.
Now that you've had some time, I hope you've been able to go back and reflect on all the positives of your conferences. Even in the tough academic conferences, I can feel positive if the parents say, "Yep! That's my child!" That means I took the time to get to know that little person, and the parents know I care about him or her as an individual and not just the marks on the report card.
Justin, I bet you can say the same thing. And no matter what you could do differently for them academically, you have made a difference because you cared about who that boy or girl is as a person.