4 Things I'll Never Say to a Kid Again (And Why You Shouldn't Either)

Whoever first said sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me, needs to endure a verbal beat down on the playground from a few irritable fifth graders.

Words hurt.

As a teacher, I’ve unwittingly said things in the classroom that have done more harm than good. I’ve said all of the phrases on this list more times than I’d care to admit. They seem loving at face value, but can be destructive in the long run.

1. This is easy.

Yikes. Easy for whom? Me? The 2/3 of the class who was at this school last year? The kids who love math?

This sends a mixed message at best. If we believe kids are individuals, then there will be differences in learning. My old superintendent used to say “Every child can learn, but not in the same way and not on the same day.”

The lingering question this leaves is what if it isn’t easy? This is where students start to feel self-doubt and stupidity.

Better to say: I hope this is do-able for you.

2. You are so smart!

What happens the next time the student isn’t so smart? Were you lying? What is the expiration date on this statement? How often does a student need to live up to this?

A student’s follow up question to this might be what will I be next time I can’t do something? This can make a student feel insecure and feed into a people-pleaser mentality. This can also wreck a student struggling with perfectionism.

Better to say: Tell me about your work.

3. Great job!

Adults say this so much to kids. What does it even mean? It’s too general and can marginalize the learning process over the end product.

This is another phrase that can feed into a child’s need for approval. A kid could feel like he constantly needs to check in with you to make sure he’s doing a “great job.” Enough of this will diminish confidence and initiative.

Better to say: It looks like you worked hard on that.

4. You should already know this.

According to whom? The principal? A stuffy administrator in the state capitol? This year’s curriculum map?

This statement can really mess up a kid. The word should is the culprit here. It gives the student the impression that she missed something. Probably something important.

There are so many what ifs when a teacher says this. What if the child was absent during that lesson last year? What if the student had skill gaps and wasn’t ready to learn it when it was presented? What if the kid was spaced out because their dad was terminally ill?

Better to say: Some of you may know this already. It’s okay if you don’t. I’m here to help.

What are some things you’ll never say to a kid again?

photo credit: gfairchild cc

Tweet

A Gas Station Sandwich

I was happily enjoying my gas station sandwich during my 20 minute lunch. I like to call them power lunches when I bring in outside food- even if it’s from a gas station. It just makes me feel better about life.

My team was chatting with a substitute at our table. After relaying a story about his visit to a Comic-Con, he asked me what I did for fun. I had to stop and think about that for a minute. Actually, I didn’t answer him for long enough that he answered for me. “You mean you don’t do anything for fun?” I joked with him and asked if laundry and driving my kids around counted. Humor is my default defense mechanism when I’m uncomfortable.

I don’t know what it is about me, but I am a magnet for unsolicited advice. I get it constantly from all sorts of people. He told me that I had better find something to do for fun, or I was going to burn out big time.

The truth is, I have a very hard time making time for anything resembling a hobby or social life. I play my drums once or twice a year. I pick up my guitar every so often. I tried moderating #4thchat for a while. Once upon a time I even updated this blog (kinda) regularly. I guess I watch movies in between breaking up my childrens’ fights and take an exorbitant amount of time to read short novels. That sorta counts. Right?

I don’t want to burn out, but I don’t know how to take the time to enjoy much for myself. My wife, my four young children, and this teaching gig are already more than I can handle. All I wanted to do was eat my gas station sandwich in peace. I just don’t know…

Tweet

The Power of Discussion

First period (morning group) had a wonderful dialogue/ discussion/ debate today.  In our issue of Scholastic News, we read an article about digital textbooks.  The students worked with partners on a venn diagram to compare and contrast traditional paper textbooks versus electronic textbooks.  We then collaborated to make a group diagram on the whiteboard.

The resulting class discussion was phenomenal!  We have been practicing respectful dialogue all year, and the class knows the expectations:

• Eyes on the speaker
• One person talks at a time
• It is okay to disagree
• No insults
• Use phrases such as “I disagree with Bob” or “I agree with Sue.”
• Try to see things from another point of view

Things went back and forth for a good fifteen minutes.  It could have gone for much longer, as many students were begging me to let them keep discussing!  Most of us agreed that digital textbooks on an iPad would be a very welcomed learning tool.

So, who wants to write a grant?

Tweet